The academic career track of a scientist is getting more challenging now than 30 years ago, basically because of more Ph.Ds being generated and less funding opportunities. I am sure many young students feel intimidated by the fact of ~1/10 Ph.Ds get a tenure-track assistant professor position, and that is just the beginning of the battle. The dilemma for girls is we have our maternity clock that will only allow us to have babies at our 20s to 40s, which is the exact period of time we are expected to be devoted to the full speed of climbing up the academic ladder if we want to be successful in science. The term "baby penalty" is referring the times when we have a baby our career gets staggered because we have to spend more time in nursing, and we are assumed to be less productive compared to our male colleagues. Whether that assumption is true still requires evidence though.
I think I am lucky in a way that I survived so far, still married with three kids and a career that will survive for another five years at least. I have given birth to twin boys when I was a graduate student, and it took me six years to get my Ph.D. degree because my childbirth slowed down my projects, or my mentor thought so. I had two first-authored papers and several co-authored papers when I graduated, so the trade-off for one more year of graduate study is not a bad thing. During this six-year time, I also resolved my uncertainty about my passion for science and my pursuit of biomedical research to make a difference to the world. I joined a top-tier lab to pursue my postdoc training when my boys were 2 and a half. I have to admit, I did not spend as much time to my boys during my postdoc training period, even though I tried my best to be with them whenever I can. Plus, I have a super nursing husband who is a wonderful dad. Plus, my mom and parents-in-law came to live with us in turns and gave tremendous supports in child-raising. There were hurdles and challenges, for time and for money. My marriage was even in a challenging status when I was in my 5th year of postdoc training with little hope of a career at the time.
I believe everyone has this moment of life when you feel desperate and luck hits on you. In 2015, I got my K99 award firstly rejected, and then magically accepted in the next grant cycle, because the funding budget got a bit of excessive money left at the end of the fiscal year. I have never heard such a thing happened before, and I got a career development award, out of a complete surprise. I have to thank my postdoc mentor, who always has faith on me, and tried his best to support me. I got my green card, 6 first-authored papers, a K99, and a strongly supportive phone call that allocated my current position. I am not a superman, and I doubted myself because of the highly competitive field. There are cases even unmarried male Ph.Ds who can not make it. I knew the chance for me was slim and I have to give my very very best. Honestly, I did not have much personal time for myself during my postdoc period, other than the times when I was driving to and from work and home. Few vacations, no home country visits. But I did consistently exercise intentionally because I realized a strong body will drive me through this long-term battle. And indeed, exercise has become a mental remedy and helped me concentrate and have more endurance.
I gain more confidence through my accomplishments accumulated in years. And I learned more about myself from these accomplishments, as well as from those countless rejections of paper submissions, grant, and job applications. Then I found, yes it is very difficult to climb up the academic ladder with kids, but it is possible and it can be fun.
Forgot to mention, I had my third kid when I started my new lab three years ago. At that time, I was stressed out by my own fear that I may not be able to do it. The panic was so bad, that I was exhausted by this negative emotion. It was not the lack of sleep, it was not the workload, because I had been through these before and I can handle it. IT WAS my own fear that beat me. I fear to fall off this ladder, I fear to be rejected by the field, because I cared about this too much. Finally, I found that I have to forgive myself for anything that may happen because I tried my very best. Panic is not helpful anyway. When I accepted that if I can not make a career in academia I am not a failure and life still will be wonderful in another way, I came back being the girl who enjoys doing research. And then, magic happened again. So, it is not very bad after all and I am not afraid anymore, to take the applause of being a professional mom of three. My career is still growing, so are my kids. I will embrace and cherish the wonderful life. Cheers!